thousand thoughts and memories in one place


Bianca, 15. Writer and photographer by heart.

Personal, photography & writing blog. Not intended for publishing. (c) Bianca D.

I have been writing and deleting every word I write right now. It’s been an hour but I haven’t wrote anything yet. It’s like I never wrote something perfect for a perfect person like you. I try so hard to put my feelings into words but I think, as of now, I can’t. I am confused. I don’t know what’s right or wrong, to like you or to be casual with you. One side of me is telling that I should tell you what I feel. That it goes it like this: I swear I am tired of being hurt; but I am willing to risk. I am willing to gamble. I want to be strong just for a while. I will tell you every bit, every feeling that I have. Another side of me tells me that you’re not worth it. Not worth to love, to risk for or to be in a relationship. Maybe because I feel that you’ll never like me back. So the other side’s like: “he’s the best friend type, go on”. Bottom line, either I like you and risk or to be a friend that I’ll never lose.

For the first time in my life, I’m confused. This is all your fault.

Instagram recap. • IG: @biancadoms

Mcdo’s bff fries, boodle feasts, cheesy seafood, pizza, mom’s carbonara, oatmeal cookies, choco lattés, coffee, cinnamon rolls, s’mores and yema cake.

P.S. Did I ever mention that I’m into baking? If not, then I am right now. I actually baked the cookies, the roll, the yema cake and s’mores! I’m actually trying new things. Hee.

Oh, and check my own hashtag on IG! #cafedebahay 😉

I’m kind of amazed on how people find their one true love. I constantly think how it can happen in this unfair, selfish world that out of the blue, one perfect person comes into their life bringing color to their monochromatic universe. Is it destiny? Is there such thing as destiny? I believe there is no such thing as that—is it solid, liquid or gas? Whatever phase of matter you can name. I’m not bitter. Destiny is an illusion people create. Just like magic—an illusion that magicians fake. I believe in perfect timing that we make without being aware that we already do. I believe in wisdom, in reality.

A typical day at Greenbelt—the place where I usually go to escape my house stuff because it’s only 10 minutes away.

Find someone who will be with you through the deepest, darkest days of your life. Someone who wouldn’t leave, nor give you up. Someone who is willing to stay. Life has waves, search for your fine boat.

Find someone who will be with you through the deepest, darkest days of your life. Someone who wouldn’t leave, nor give you up. Someone who is willing to stay. Life has waves, search for your fine boat.

As the rain fell harder and harder,
I lost hope how can I go home
Should I wait for it to stop?
Or should I go and run?

He took my hand and held it
Squeezed it like he’ll never let go
Like he’ll take care of me
Wherever the wind and water go

We ran and got wet— together
Only, we had a small umbrella which we didn’t fit together
I didn’t know the reason why
But thank God we did not

Upon looking at us, I bet you’ll smile
For the both of us are soaking wet
Our things are also dripping wet
But still, we are laughing, and said;

The rain comes, whether we like it or not
It comes surprisingly— like what happened today
You must always remember
There is always a rainbow after a storm

Kristia

“Praying is better than preaching. Because some lost people will not understand what you are saying until you pray for them.” - Antonette, 20

Praying is better than preaching. Because some lost people will not understand what you are saying until you pray for them.” - Antonette, 20

My 15th BIRTHDAY (Late post though)

I had a double celebration. My real birthday was August 5 and it fell on my exam week + it was on a Tuesday. I told my mom I would invite my friends on Saturday that week—she said yes. On my actual birthday, I got greetings and stuff. I was sort of sad, since I didn’t get the greeting I expected. No, I was really happy and every 15-year-old girl would ask for. I expect no food, since my celebration would be on Saturday. But upon going home, I went home to Conti’s! Everything was Conti’s. It was my dad’s little surprise. He knew it was my favorite. I miss you paps, always am.

August 9. After the freakin’ hard physics finals, my friends went to my house and ate the boodle food my mom prepared. Namely it was: Shentelle, Roshelle, Patty, Monica, Matthew, Kate and Bon. Michal and Dennis came 10 minutes late. Happy to know that they enjoyed mom’s meals. The boodle fight was messy, but it was fun.

After eating, others went home. Dennis, Michal and Bon stayed for awhile. We watched Bakit Di Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo and Diary ng Panget. JM came—so let the drinking begin. No hate. My mom was the one who bought the drinks. After all, my birthday comes once a year. Mom gave us everything. Drinks, food and chasers, even the ice! Played spin the bottle and stuff. Red cups represent! Michal went home earlier so I stayed with the boys. My alcohol tolerance is high, they’re all drunk—and I’m wide awake. And the rest of our conversations will be left untold. It was indeed a fun night. A night worth to remember.

Until my 16th, guys. >:D<

P.S. The greeting I wanted arrived 6 days later—on a private text message. It was a happy 15th.

Half of my day in a photo. 📷 

So here’s: DLS-CSB • Zark’s Burger • LRT Gil Puyat station. The whole day (with Kate) was indeed very spontaneous.

The whole plan was I would pass my requirements at DLS-CSB with Roshelle and we&#8217;re straight to PLM to inquire on how to apply for non-Manilans since their site isn&#8217;t updated, we wanted to visit the school itself. (And I wanted to see my PLMayer friends) So I woke up at 8 am, took a bath at 8:45 and called Roshelle at 9:30. She said she can&#8217;t come. I wasn&#8217;t angry; I was sad. I immediately called Kate, fortunately said yes, met at 10:40-ish. I had to pay for all the expenses, but it was okay, than being lost alone in a place where bad people stay. (My mom got her earrings stolen at Taft, so I had a trauma to go Taft alone.) 

The commuting was smooth and so is DLS-CSB&#8217;s admission center and staffs. Had to run from the center and cashier, but it was okay since the view was nice. Green is pleasant. Saw cutie chinito guys though. 😂 Had zark&#8217;s for lunch. 

So yeah, I&#8217;ll be having my BEE at October 19! 7-11 am. Anyone? ☺️

Half of my day in a photo. 📷

So here’s: DLS-CSB • Zark’s Burger • LRT Gil Puyat station. The whole day (with Kate) was indeed very spontaneous.

The whole plan was I would pass my requirements at DLS-CSB with Roshelle and we’re straight to PLM to inquire on how to apply for non-Manilans since their site isn’t updated, we wanted to visit the school itself. (And I wanted to see my PLMayer friends) So I woke up at 8 am, took a bath at 8:45 and called Roshelle at 9:30. She said she can’t come. I wasn’t angry; I was sad. I immediately called Kate, fortunately said yes, met at 10:40-ish. I had to pay for all the expenses, but it was okay, than being lost alone in a place where bad people stay. (My mom got her earrings stolen at Taft, so I had a trauma to go Taft alone.)

The commuting was smooth and so is DLS-CSB’s admission center and staffs. Had to run from the center and cashier, but it was okay since the view was nice. Green is pleasant. Saw cutie chinito guys though. 😂 Had zark’s for lunch.

So yeah, I’ll be having my BEE at October 19! 7-11 am. Anyone? ☺️

I used to think that life gives us lemons because we must make a lemonade. But I was wrong, life gives us lemons because we must learn how to create extra ordinary things—not just one but alot of things—out of ordinary objects. To be creative and bring out the best in it, in us. Let us not predict what will happen to us in the future. Yes, there might be guts and feelings. Yet, we never know what really is it. There will be infinite what-ifs; just deal with it. Live it like you live with your clothes. When you’re about to break down and give up, think why you’ve fought long enough to get there; why you’re going to waste everything you’ve worked hard. Just remember: in order to see a beautiful rainbow, there must be rain.

Look at you, you’re someone they would describe as ‘tall, dark and handsome’ kind of man. Someone girls always loved. Someone talented enough. Your eyes are precious but very mysterious; and so is your personality. Those eyes were glitters; it wasn’t huge, but it sparkled. You had lips made of gold. Your nose fit perfectly on your lovely face. You aren’t someone who is a boy-next-door nor a sweet heart-throb, but you had something in you that turned my head. You had my eyes for I always looked at you—but not my heart—I appreciated you and I would say, yes, you are worth staring at; because staring at you means discovering your inner self. Who you are, what your eyes speak, what your mind thinks and what your heart says. Everything can be seen upon looking at you. Though, remember: it is not always what it is or what we see. Some things need more explanations to let us understand more.

I don’t know you; but I’d like to.

1st of August

4 days before my actual birthday—I’m turning 15—and I am not excited nor happy. Thankful, yes, but I feel like having it just like a normal day. I don’t know, maybe because it’s our hell week and I still haven’t learned anything on all my major subjects? Or is it about my expectations? This sucks, big time.

I’ve got a lot of plans for August but I want to focus on my studies first. This August means: birthdays, back on track, bondings, shoots and more happiness. I wish I could. Because really, if I could, I really would!

Anyway, I’m not sure what’s happening in my life. There’s this guy who completely ruins everything without knowing that he does. No hard feelings for him, he’s a good guy (they said). They keep on telling me that “omg so obvious you like him”, like what?!? Do you guys know how I feel more than I do? Pretty amazing. But yeah, this shouldn’t be a big deal. Thinking of being friends with this guy but thinking of not to. Idk, but I guess God has plans for me.

I hope you all had a good august 1st! Unlike me, I don’t know if I did or if I didn’t.

Haha, have a good night!

Let&#8217;s try not to think about fairy tales. I&#8217;m just a normal girl&#8212;nothing special, ain&#8217;t extraordinary. I&#8217;m not pretty, nor elegant, nor gorgeous, I&#8217;m just me. I would always see myself traveling, taking pictures and eating with a same person all over again. Maybe a boy best friend, or a soul mate. I don&#8217;t know, I wouldn&#8217;t dare to find out because I might get hurt. It&#8217;s always like that, I see amazing stuff, feel it, ask advice, expect from it and get hurt later. I always get hurt, always. Yet, I never lose hope. I have faith.
I&#8217;d always hear, "You always talk about the bible and God." I wouldn&#8217;t answer, but I tell myself, I would never be ashamed of Him. I&#8217;ve been through the worst, no one had my side, and yet, He was there. If God is with us, who could be against us? Going back, never lose hope. If I fail, I&#8217;d take a rest. I would never stop. Stopping means giving up, and as long as I am breathing, the world would give me chances as much as I needed it. He will always provide.
I&#8217;m fat, I&#8217;m not white, I&#8217;m not pretty&#8212;so what? Yes, I may not have self confidence and self esteem to face people, but I love myself. He loves me and my family loves me, that&#8217;s enough. I&#8217;m slowly learning to embrace my flaws. So everyone, here&#8217;s me, and I am a proud God&#8217;s princess.

Let’s try not to think about fairy tales. I’m just a normal girl—nothing special, ain’t extraordinary. I’m not pretty, nor elegant, nor gorgeous, I’m just me. I would always see myself traveling, taking pictures and eating with a same person all over again. Maybe a boy best friend, or a soul mate. I don’t know, I wouldn’t dare to find out because I might get hurt. It’s always like that, I see amazing stuff, feel it, ask advice, expect from it and get hurt later. I always get hurt, always. Yet, I never lose hope. I have faith.

I’d always hear, "You always talk about the bible and God." I wouldn’t answer, but I tell myself, I would never be ashamed of Him. I’ve been through the worst, no one had my side, and yet, He was there. If God is with us, who could be against us? Going back, never lose hope. If I fail, I’d take a rest. I would never stop. Stopping means giving up, and as long as I am breathing, the world would give me chances as much as I needed it. He will always provide.

I’m fat, I’m not white, I’m not pretty—so whatYes, I may not have self confidence and self esteem to face people, but I love myself. He loves me and my family loves me, that’s enough. I’m slowly learning to embrace my flaws. So everyone, here’s me, and I am a proud God’s princess.