i. I don’t want you to think that I’m desperate enough to chase you after you left me hanging. I’m chasing you because I want a proper closure, not that I want the old ‘us’ back. What can I do if you already made your decision? I’ll accept and respect whatever it is.
ii. You never let me tell you whatever I felt. Our conversations are mainly about ourselves, people around us, cheering each other, plans, jokes and the corny pick up lines. There’s no confessions, whether it’ll be positive or negative. We never tell each other the feelings we have.
iii. Maybe because there’s no confession because you don’t have anything to confess. That for you, we’re casual. You talk to me, I talk to you. We’re friends— we’re only friends. I think you never knew I had one sided love with you. I don’t know if you’re numb or you’re just dumb. I am in love with you.
iv. Honestly up until now, I’m not really sure what ‘love’ really is. Love in a sense that you’ll have your partner, not friends love or family love. I know the literal meaning, but I never felt it for myself. I concluded that this is already love because whenever you’re there; my world slows down, my heart beats fast and everything changes. This isn’t like already because even if I see your darkest sides, I know I can accept you. Whatever you look, you smell, you drink, you eat, you think or what, I’ll love you, for who you are.
v. I know I told you that I never believed in love… but that was before you came. You made things different. I know I’m too young, but I’ll say this will be an experience. I want you to be my experience that I’ll hold on until my last breath. You’re the experience I’d take risks for.
vi. Love, I know what your priorities are. You told me everything. Which made me like you more, because you’re a man with big, big plans. I know ‘love’ isn’t a part of it, but can you at least give it a try, with me? I’ll understand you, I’ll support you and I’ll accept you no matter what. But no, I’m not begging you. I’m just giving you ideas that somewhere out there, there’s one special girl that would do everything she can for you.
vii. Where are our plans? The plans we’ve made, the plans I shared and the plans you’ve shared? Is it all gone? I wish it isn’t, it’s the things I hold onto. I cling into the talks we’ve made, and I always pray you would never forget everything.
viii. By the way, I dreamed of us last night. The people important to us was there, I saw beautiful flowers, and you, you were at the end of the aisle, I was walking slowly, the music was enchanting… and then I woke up. Anyway, I’m hoping someday this wouldn’t be a dream. I swear I’d marry you anywhere, anytime and anyhow. Simply because I love you.
ix. You know what, I’m so close to crying as I’m writing these right now. I’m starting to reminisce everything, from the way we met, the smiles, the booth, the drinks, the unlimited talks we had, the calls and everything. I’m sure this will hunt me until I fall asleep, crying. I want to go back to the way we used to be.
x. People kept on telling me to move on because I’m wasting time chasing after you. Sometimes I’d listen, but most of the time I don’t. Why? Because I think you’re worth the wait. You’re worth the pain. You’re worth it. If one day I’ll come to an end, I’ll ask for my family, my closest friends and of course, you. I’ll die happily.